the weather inside me

down and under with the scorpio moon

A couple of thoughts for this Scorpio Moon day.

"I think he knew that, through his own pain, his own suffering, his own anxiety, his own love, and his own journey, he could relate to people in an intimate way. . . . He was one of the most humble men I ever met and one of the men most tormented with anxiety. . . . At the same time he was one of the most confident men I ever met." - Brian Carroll, psychotherapist and former Franciscan priest

Anyone who's taken up the mantle of service to mankind inevitably hit an wall in their work. Perhaps it's mere enthusiasm that drove them to their cause, or perhaps they've had deeper, nobler inspirations for their work. However they're motivated, they sooner or later run into a massive obstruction that challenges everything they believed about their intentions and their purpose.

On one side of this wall is every belief they held about their skills, their competence, their experience and their flaws. On the other side of the wall is everything they don't know about everything. The wall itself is doubt, frustration, anger, incompetence, failure, fear, loss... I could go on. The important point is, the wall feels more like an insurmountable mountain, a Mount Everest of lost causes. 

Despite the Venus-Uranus bingle, many of us feel we're facing an insurmountable Mt. Everest of lost causes today. This is the feeling we can assume when a major planet like Uranus is lingering at the end of the sign Pisces.

Pisces is the last sign of the zodiac, the Omega Point of the mandela. In the last degrees of Pisces we can get the feeling of things falling apart, the center can no longer hold. Something must die, must shift, must be cast out before we can start over again. With Uranus there, we can feel a tremendous urge to change. But Uranus energy is not consistent; what it wants one moment may not be what it wants the next. If we're not aware of it's push-pull tendencies and can't get perspective on the dynamic and the larger purpose of Uranus energy, it can feel like a visit to the grocery store with toddler hopped up on a bowl full of Fruit Loops. I want that! No, that! No, no, no! No say that!!!

Exhausting.

But if you can't take yourself home and solve the problem with a teddy bear and a nap, what do you do?

Reading a couple of weeks ago about Father Mychal Judge, I found the quotation above. I kept it; I don't know why. Perhaps for today. Who knows? Father Mychal was the first victim retrieved from the south tower collapse on 9/11, and according to the many stories I've read about him, he was an extraordinary ordinary man by any measurement. But I'll let you judge for yourself.

The quotation, however you think of its subject, suits a Scorpio Moon day like today. Father Mychal taught those who knew him there's a confidence that comes from knowing you have nothing left to lose. We usually learn this lesson from action heroes who, in a desperate leap of self-preservation and/or sacrifice, leap off a tall building or bust through a window and save the damsel in distress. Most of us gave up emulating action heroes long ago, though. And our heroism has long been replaced by doubt and fear. But Father Mychal's legacy suggests an alternative. Lingering here at the end of everything, we can surely find some strength in our doubts and fears.

Scorpio Moon doesn't scale mountains. Scorpio isn't an 'up and over' impulse, it's a 'down and under' strength. Scorpio Moon dives into the hidden stream that lies beneath the mountain of our frustration, and swims the depths of our unconscious fears to emerge on the other side of what we don't know. Scorpio gives us the will to explore what lies beneath the surface of everything.

Scorpio Moon will meet the Pisces Mercury, Sun, Venus and Uranus today and tomorrow --and share thoughts with Pluto in Capricorn, too. It's a co-mingling of emotional waters, running beneath the mountain that is this great shift in eras (Pluto in Capricorn). Some things are absolutely falling apart. What do you need to know about that? What don't you know yet? Where have you come to end of your confidence, creativity, assurance, skill, faith? What is your wall today?

Down and under...

Painting: G. Okoemova

Sculpture: "Hombre en llamas" Jason DeCaires Taylor, underwater sculpture

the pisces-saturn flashback wierding

I'm channeling Earth, Wind, and Fire. You know --the band. Last night was trying to relax with this meditation tape of running water and kept getting strains of a brass section I KNOW isn't on the tape, but holy satin spandex! It was the brass section from Earth, Wind, and Fire!

I know. So distracting. Not meditative at all.

And dreamed all night that I could hear things through solid objects. My pillow was no help because I kept hearing someone else's conversation through it.

I had this same problem last fall while listening to a Glenn Gould album. I kept hearing this cantor on some of the tracks. How he got there I have no idea. He was a nice cantor, but the experience was a whole lot like "The Kugelmass Episode" from Woody Allen's Side Effects. Ditto last night's brass section.

[Update: a friend just informed me about Gould's humming habit when he played. Okay. So that's what I was hearing. Thank you. Now can you explain the brass section?]

So of course today I had to poke around on you tube for a lil' EWF. Sigh. Ooh. Yeah. And what did I find? This fabulously cheeeeeesey scene from the embarrassing Sargent Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band, the movie. I may have been young, but I these were my Beatles obsession years and even I knew the movie sucked. Except for this great scene. Cheese tho' it may be. And then a surprising synchronicity. The date of the movie: 1978.

Saturn was last in Virgo 2007-2009, before that 1977-80 and then in Libra '80-'82/3. This is a 30 year cycle, and we're back there again --Virgo and Libra.

Saturn is retrograde in Libra, moving back to another month or so in Virgo, and with all this free-associating Pisces stuff in the water, suddenly I'm channeling my early adolescence again. Heavy Metal, anyone? (Dear lord, I had no idea how many SCTV folk were a part of that venture.) Or how about a little Xanadu? (And the death of ELO.) Talk about two ends of a fantasy spectrum. Wow. 

This was the era in which my mother lost all censorship rights when she got someone (a neighbor kid?) to (illegally) hook up to the new cable box behind someone's house. Free cable! Which meant free HBO. Whoa.

Enter the Chicago WGN station and reruns of Monty Python...and Caddyshack...and The Shining...and Ice Castles...somebody stop me now...I'm rarely the one to wax nostalgically...

What were you up to these years?

venus-uranus mash up

The mash-up is exact tomorrow at 11pm (ish). But the aspect is in play all week.

Piscesland is the time of the year where we're finishing stuff before the crocuses peep through the cold earth and suddenly we realize it's time for new beginnings. So we're finishing up. Not in the Virgoan efficiency expert way, but in the sense that "all is well with my soul". That's one potential of Pisces. 

So how does that play when Venus and Uranus hook up? Well, look around you. Uranus gives us the unexpected or innovative and Venus gives us benefits. Venus gives us love, money, companionship, attraction, social connections. This week can be all about unexpected Venusian benefits. 

Apart from my weekend Full Moon bingle, here are some more Venus-Uranus reports from friends. One has clearly fallen in love, or found a primo job (I got a text, but no details), another got an unexpected invitation to a great concert after a couple of months of social isolation and a bit of depression, another person's terrible diagnosis turned out to be false...a woman got a better than expected bid on a project.

Have you had an unexpected "all is well with my soul" moment this week? If you haven't, are you open to it? More specifically, is there some fear that holds you back for saying somewhere in your heart that "all is well"? Venus wants to give us gifts but we don't have to accept them. And why not? Do we think we don't deserve good things? If so, you might want to track that idea down to its source. Because everyone deserves a little Venus in their life. Another possible blind spot: Pisces potential is so slippery, perhaps the goodness is too light, too nebulous, too lark-y to qualify for your definition of "well". Could that be the case?

Please don't pass up this opportunity to admit something good into your life. Uranus will be in and out of late Pisces territory until March of 2011, but Venus won't be back here with him. In fact, Uranus won't be in Pisces again until 2087, so unless you're planning to live for another 75 years, this is it, folks.

In the immediate future, this week presents a chance to feel and act on something you'll carry with you into the summer when that impulse will take on a life force of it's own. Maybe it's a feeling, maybe it's a knowing, maybe it's a truth you finally acknowledge. Whatever it is, this week will remind you (if you let it) that life is not over, beauty is still yours, something good is at hand, and love can still find some way into your world.

tense enough yet?

The Moon is in Leo and just rolled past that Mars in Leo who's stuck in reverse gear, spinning his wheels and so not happy about it. Frustration, impatience, and the general itch to get something started is likely on your agenda if you don't have something at hand to blow off that energy.

The Pisces Sun-Jupiter sextiles that era-defining Pluto in Capricorn, which is really productive, imaginative mind-expanding heart-enlarging stuff. Where are we heading? Let's pretend! They form a Yod to this morning's Leo Moon, so --errr-- there's probably something at hand that's still getting the squeeze in your ego structure --or yer heart. Something needs an adjustment; something's not yet ready for prime time. And you're probably feeling touchy about after that Moon pass over Mars.

Me? It's getting me, too. Just to show you that observing the astrology doesn't mean I don't listen to the lessons. I stepped into the fray at Planet Waves. I suppose I was polite about it, but one of my pet annoyances popped up, and like someone who can't pass by a Whack-A-Mole game without grabbing a mallet, I swatted. Not an especially wise move right now if you can't finesse it with uber-diplomacy.

Could our Leo president have planned the Heath Care Summit under more interesting skies? A Leo, with a Leo Mars in the spin cycle, under a Leo Moon? Dang...step back, jack.

Full Moon arrives in two days. I would encourage you to stay cool, but that may be just heaping one more frustration on your back. So I'll just encourage you to find healthy outlets for your energy. Will be back (tonight hopefully) with the Full Moon bill for you.

Illustration: prep sketch for Hercules Wrestles A Lion, Jun-Pierre Shiozawa

the story so far...the (long) late february 2010 overview

If you're just joining us, here’s a summary on the current long and mid-term astro scene:

Pluto-Saturn square: it’s still on --the hard realities, the call to courage, the fear, the projecting of shadows-- but Saturn’s moving back into the Virgo degrees, so we’re just getting a second look at relationship “stuff” that popped up since last October. Count it a second chance at important conversations and decisions.

Neptune-Chiron in Aquarius: the end of an era, or as Gawker proclaimed it, “The Fake Decade”. Finally, we're getting it. Chiron’s not done with his work here, but these past few weeks have certainly given me some unusual views into inconvenient “truths”. And talk about a wild dream life. Oy. I need a break.

Jupiter in Pisces: Connections, identifications, and professions with and of encouragement and hope are totally available if you want them. As are big creative possibilities. Can you be the bigger person? Sure you can. (As I type this, I’m listening to Alan Simpson joking it was time to hold hands and jump into the wine-dark sea --of the budget deficit. Poetic water imagery as political threat? Only with Pisces.)

Avoid the paranoid and the generally detached from reality. This is the dark side of Pisces and not a comment on Mr. Simpson. Uranus in Pisces (at the end of the sign, now at 25+ degrees), is pulling punches with those teetering on the edge of the Fear Abyss. A lot people are completely convinced this is the end of the world. No, it's just the end of the world as they know it, a fact that's microcosmically true every day of our lives. Still, we can't ignore the big, big challenges we face as a country. It's just that fear is not gonna get us closer to a sane deficit, safe highways, or decent health care for all.

On a related note: if you’re a Pisces or have personal planets in Pisces, take care with substances this year--right on down to caffeine, MSG, BHT and food coloring. I’m serious.

And finally, Mars, still retrograde in Leo: Mars is really slowing down now, and by the full moon on the 28th will have reached it’s retrograde direct degree. So if you feel some kind of gear grinding or stuckness, that would be Mars. Ditto big case of anticipation. This is all about going backstage and reworking your self image. (My original horoscopes on the retrograde are here and here.) What you're feeling could be a case of stage fright, or could be a case of retrenchment before the big advance come March. Circumstances vary.

If you know where Mars is passing through your chart, just ease up on yourself in that area. Strategize, visualize. Play with any new ideas that popped up with the Neptune/Chiron bingle last week AND the Full Moon in Leo in mid-January. What do you want to do with that new knowledge?

Strangely, if we’re not handling our own nervousness or irritation well, we seem to invite similarly nervous, irritating people into our lives. Not always true, but you could play with that idea and observe other people’s responses to your energy right now.

A note to men, or anyone who cares about a man: I'm not a guy, nor do I play one on TV, so I'm not gonna pretend I know what this feel like for you. My thoughts are based on my own reading, and the thoughts shared by men at other serious astrology forums.

Mars retrograde is especially challenging for men; after all, Mars is THE planet of the male impulse, the anima, the dude in you. Here’s the bottom line: the man in your life (could be you!) may or may not know what Mars retrograde is doing, but it's affecting him nonetheless --rearranging his ego, his self-image, his heart, his leadership instincts, his pride for his pride (or whatever substitutes for his creative output, progeny or no).

Mars retrograde is all backwards and inhibiting, frustrating and often confusing for many men. You could be angry, frustrated, scattered, inconsistent, or distant --really, really distant. Especially now as we approach the incredibly slow stationing direct motion. Imagine trying to save the damsel in distress who's stranded on the opposite side of a molasses pit. And the molasses pit is your expectations about what guys should do, could do, did do --starting with your dad and then every significant male authority figure you've known in your life. Now imagine how difficult this time could be if you never really had a solid male figure who taught you what to do when damsels lie on the other side of molasses pits. McGuyver never had it so bad. This "self" thing won't get fixed with a Leatherman, some chewing gum and three paper clips. Think about that for a moment.

If the man in your life doesn’t know what’s going on, or they’re resistant to introspection, you get a guy who needs to take on the world instead of himself. This might get internalized as heart problems; Leo rules the heart. As Leo practically grinds to a halt, Evan Bayh announced today that he’s lost heart in his work in the Senate and will retire. This is not good for the already straggling Democrat majority in the Senate.

The WORST example of this impulse also showed up in the news today: Andrew Stack, an enraged, suicidal man (badly managed Mars retrograde?) who’s sense of manhood and pride (Leo) was threatened by the limitations (Saturn) imposed by a government (Pluto in Capricorn) agency, the IRS, flew his personal airplane into an IRS office.

No doubt his actions were exacerbated by feelings of paranoia and doom emerging from those who’ve been embracing the end of the world (Uranus in Pisces) scenarios. He's not the first man who's wanted to take on the IRS with violence, but as we're revisiting a Saturn-Pluto alignment that last appeared fall of 2001, I'm saddened but not shocked that Stack chose to mimic the violence of that tragedy by flying his plane into an IRS office in Austin, Texas. Note --this was his own Piper airplane, and thus, he was not one of the huddled masses spewing underclass resentment. This was a wealthy guy by any standard. Do you have Piper small craft docked in your local airport hanger?

On that note, I looked at Glenn Beck’s astrology last week. He’s got Venus at 29+ degrees Pisces, the last degree of the zodiac, aka, the end of the world (sort of). In short, he’s in love with the end of the world. Yes. Have a look at his wiki and you’ll see a guy obsessed with eschatology. We'll hear much more about his obsession come spring. Bank on it.

Sigh. So play safe out there folks. You don’t have to be paranoid. You don’t have to push people around. I know so many people who are experimenting with huge new possibilities for their lives. Really big thoughts. I've got one friend who was making good money as a black-jack dealer, but she's leaving the industry to work at a raw-food retreat. She'd been wanting to walk away, but it wasn't until she broke her wrist in four places over the January eclipse that the decision was forced on her. A break like that is a career ender for a card dealer. But the end didn't start there: as she became mentally and emotionally more stable, her tips took a nose dive and she knew why --unhealthy people only reward their own kind. She's a Cancer rising, so Leo is working through her second house of money and self-esteem.

If you're moving towards healthier self-esteem, know that some people will find this a turn-off and not know why. They would prefer you functioning as their food source for whatever emotional, financial, or practical service you give them. And you're gonna catch some flak for this. For my friend, this translated into lost income. If you're hanging with people who pay you for being as immature, selfish, and needy as they are, you're going to face a loss of something --a contract, a contact? Or you may face losing old friends. These are not easy losses at first because they represent an old image you've probably carried with you for years. But this whole year is forcing all of us to rethink the old ways. Those who refuse to change won't be any fun to hang with anyway. Keep that in mind as you grow and experiment with the new you.

The time is also exciting because it presents the kind of risks that demand truly creative thinking and not a little paradigm shifting/shattering going on in that mix. But the risk doesn’t disappear just because the adventure holds happy possibility. So compassion is very much in need right now, too. Compassion that entends both ways --to you and to those around you-- and patience.

In that spirit, I’m taking a few days off from this blog to address some work at my side. One project is a revamp of this site, another some notes for the upcoming NCGR conference...and then daily ephemera and sticky fingerprints that come with motherhood. I need to shift my focus for a bit. Maybe I'll actually go for a walk. What a thought.

I’ll be back before the Full Moon to talk about the Venus-Uranus conjunction and early March events.

Until then, have a visit with any of the forecasters on my link list. They’re good people who’ll be happy to serve your astro needs.

Ciao.

Art: lisacongdon.com

Photo: seattlepi.com

All other photos: Philippe Halsman

go blow your horn

This Wednesday we have a lot of inspiring, exploring action in the sky. Aquarian Neptune and Chiron are in an exact (to the minute) conjunction, and a Pisces Venus and Jupiter are still hand in hand. Mars has moved past that strange but productive Dreamtime Yod, and the Moon is now in action oriented Aries ready to do something about the lessons we've discovered over the past two weeks.

Go blow your horn today. Where, when, or with whom is your choice. Blow it fortissimo or pianissimo. Just find the tune inside you and let it fly.

renounce

Today Venus and Jupiter hold hands together at 7 degrees Pisces. The image for that degree shows a wooden cross thrown upon a rocky shore; the key word is "renunciation". Oh, joy. This, on the eve of Ash Wednesday and Lent.

But this brings to mind a conversation I had with a client a couple of weeks ago. We were doing my usual thing at the beginning of a consultation, which is to review a few dates that usually turn out to have significance to the client. I'm almost always impressed with what folks tell me, but this one was a particularly fun moment:

"So what was going on in your life in '68/'69?"

"Oh. Well. That was my first year in college and --oh, my god. That was the year I had a vision of St. Francis of Assisi! It was amazing; I'll never forget it. He was holding out his arms wide and looking at me with those intense, dark, iconic eyes, saying, 'Renounce! Renounce! Renounce!' It was terrifying. And I thought, 'What's St. Francis doing in the dorm room of a nice Jewish girl like me?"

We both crack up.

"And that was before the sex and the drugs! I didn't have anything to renounce!"

We crack up again.

"But you know, we were really into Marxism and the idea of violent revolution and 'the struggle' in those days, and St. Francis did give up his wealth to help the poor, I know."

Days later it occurred to me some sort of conflation was possibly going on there, in my head or hers. Renouncing isn't the same as denouncing. What students were doing back then was denouncing a system and a set of values they felt was invalid, in fact harmful to ordinary people. Denouncing is a kind of shaming, though. It assumes an act of judgment and engages the element it judges. We march in the streets and pull down the posters and paraphernalia of the corrupt element. We shake our fists and shout. We recognize our anger and make it plain to the world.

Renouncing, however, turns away from the object it no longer values. Call it a judgment, if you want, but renunciation's power lies in disengagement. We slough off the element like brushing away dead skin cells to let our bodies breathe again. Turn away. Turn to different work, different feelings, different people. Renunciation simply says, "I don't need this anymore."

"Making one's own wounds a source of healing . . . does not call for a sharing of superficial personal pains but for a constant willingness to see one's own pain and suffering as rising from the depth of the human condition." - Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Wounded Healer

Today is not a day to debate the efficacy and place for denunciation vs. renunciation. We're in Piscesland right now, and this is renunciation's territory. It's a day for letting one's own pain and suffering rise from the depth of your human condition --and then letting it drift away. Pisces has the blessed gift of simply swimming away into the starry midnight ocean of Forever, forgetting entirely what the argument was about in the first place.

Those of us who like things defined and settled tend to find this annoying. But, you know, the indefinite void of Forever and Forgotten is a different sort of definition. It's definitely gone, gone, gone. Whatever it was. I can go with that settlement.

If you could say, "I don't need this anymore" about something today, what would it be? And then what would it take for you to allow it to go away forever and ever? If ever there was a day you could take a breath and turn away from that unhelpful, entangling or toxic thought, emotion, person, or behavior, this is a good day to do it.

And don't forget: nature does abhorr a vacuum, so fill that new empty spot. Pisces lets things drift into our lives as much as it lets stuff drift away. Likely there's something very good and positive at hand in your life right now. You know what it is. If it's good, don't let it drift by on this stream. Reach out and grab it today.

Poster: Zefferelli's Brother Sun, Sister Moon , the 1972 film about Francis of Assisi (for you, S.)

venus enters pisces today

Attraction shifts today. Venus has broken from the Aquarian pack and is now drifting toward her date with that dreamy Pisces Jupiter Sunday.

Pisces disentangles things and gives us the broad view of life. If anything, you might be feeling disoriented...drifting. Jupiter in Pisces gives us a big, big canvas for our imaginations. What Venus will do with that canvas largely depends on your ability to imagine.

What if? is the question now. It's not an intellectual concern.

void, of course and then into the deep

The Libra Moon finished it's sweet sweep alongside the Venus/Chiron/Neptune confab and today is on it's way to Scorpio.

But until then it's a light day with no aspects to the Moon. No aspects = no connections = Void of course.

Void of course (VOC) should become part of your astro vocabulary. It's a space in time, usually a few hours, when we cruise with no Moon-astrological conversations on tap. (I just mistyped "on tao" --which makes sense, too.) Anywhoo. The practical application for "void of course" is "out of pocket". Folks don't respond to your emails or phone calls. You drift. Ideas just don't come to mind and you feel a little aimless. Decisions made during void of course hours are often forgotten.

You probably can't defer your workday obligations during every VOC; however, you can modify your expectations about an impending decision or contact. Just chill. They'll get back when the Moon starts contacting folks again, too.

Which will be about the end of the workday today (in North America). This evening the Moon heads into Scorpio and makes a trine to Jupiter in Pisces. It's a lovely, easy aspect that brings emotional depth to the day.

Keep it real, though. Scorpio loves a conspiracy and Pisces can be a gullible as all get-out. So unless you're working in a creative/artistic capacity tonight, keep it real. Check your facts. Know where the boundary lies between fantasy and fact.

virgo moon: embrace your inner neurotic

Welcome Virgo Moon. The Virgo Moon has a very bad rap as the ne plus ultra of neurotic cases. Anything in Virgo has this potential, but the Moon gets bonus points because it hits you right in the emotion center.

BUT. While Jupiter is sprinting through Pisces, you get a break. There's heaps of kindness and compassion right across the table from you now. Sweetness and delight. And Pluto in Capricorn is standing by Virgo's side. They're both earth signs; they like to see results from an encounter. It's like a blind date that works out.

SO. Here's my assignment. Each month when the Virgo Moon arrives you must embrace your inner neurotic.

Yes, that's right. Give him a big hug. Buy him some ice cream and tell him you think he's really swell. You know, if it weren't for your I.N. you'd be a far less memorable person and no one would be interested in telling stories about you when you're gone. Your I.N. is the reason you think heaven is boring: what would you have left to obsess about? You might as well enjoy your neurosis while you're still here on earth.

Now. Imagine yourself doing something your I.N. would never, ever admit: accept a compliment without poo-pooing the complimenter, really enjoy a hug, or forgive the 15 pounds you gained last year. Dream about the scariest thing you want right now. Dream that it all works out.

Do it just for a day. No big deal. If you I.N. complains, ruffle his hair, call him a "big galoot" and keep dreaming.